"I'm not a fit person"

"I'm not a gym person"

"I'm not a lean person"

"I'm not a disciplined person"

"I'm not a confident person"

These are statements we hear from our adult students and clients often.

But, the scary thing is...

Our youthful students are possibly (likely?) having a similar internal dialogue:

"I'm not a _______ "

What do they have insecurities about?  Their appearance?  Their intellect?  Their friends? Joining the sports team?  Joining the chorus?  Getting bullied? Their abilities in general?  Etc.

But, they may be unable or unwilling to articulate these thoughts and feelings out loud.

To have self-doubt is to be human.

So, understanding the power of self-talk is crucial.

Telling oneself what they are or aren't is limiting self-talk.  And then those limitations that we put on ourselves then become a reality.

Of course, that's easier for an adult to intellectualize, but how do we help our kids put that into practice?


Even small steps are progress and they accumulate.  We can tell kids "You can do it!" all day long, but after the first or second time it becomes meaningless, even to a child.

Children must see, hear and feel the progress.  They must experience it for it to be real and meaningful.


This is the necessary compliment to action.  If you don't try, you'll never fail.  And, if you do try, at some point you will fail.  But, that's OK.

But how do we reinforce this concept with our children?

Focus on and emphasize Performance over Results.  Process over Outcome.

When we focus on results and outcome, kids see themselves as static.  They are what they are and this is the result.  Their potential is limited.  Their self-esteem is derived from external factors.


When we focus on process and performance (in a way regardless of outcome), they see themselves as dynamic.  The understand that they are changing, growing and have control of their actions.  Their potential is unlimited.  Their self-esteem is derived from the inside.

When self-esteem comes from the inside a child's self talk is no longer limiting, it is empowering.



Somnath Sikdar

President, Dragon Gym

"Be The Coffee."

PS. Our common goal for our children is to ensure they are Happy, Healthy and Successful in the long term.  At the Dragon Gym a Happy, Healthy and Successful student is built upon five pillars: Focus, Confidence, Discipline, Patience, and Kindness.

I invite you to see how we incorporate this into our Children's Martial Arts Program.

Please CLICK HERE to set up a free trial lesson.

OR, Complete the form below.  We'll get back to you right away.


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Somnath Sikdar
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Master, 7th Dan Black Belt
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